Heyo

Sorry for the lack of being on, school server doesn't like DA for some reason. But my... a lot has changed... Things have changed on my end too. Military was a huge flop. They checked my medical history, and between ADD and ADHD, the meds I took for them, and the symptoms I had, I had at least 14 medical disqualifications. In the words of the NG rep, "You will never, EVER, be in ANY branch of the military, EVER." So that's out the window. Since then, I've had two internships for the summer fall through, two wonderful girls turn me down, and I'm seriously starting to question if I'm Jynxed or cursed or something. It seems like if there is something that could make my life easier, or something that I really want, and I pursue it, it flies away from me like a butterfly on the wing. The problem with all this is that I can't be sad about it. Even if I start to get depressed, I start to hear voices in my head. "Fake it till you make it!", "No matter what, I'm determined to be ok.", "Stop being a child!", "See, this is why they don't say yes." "Wimp." Sadly enough, none of the voices are mine. The big problem is that my philosophy on emotion has been to let it go, just act how you feel. But depression and sadness has been in charge for too long. It feels wrong to put on a mask and pretend to be happy, but what else can I do? It's a dilemma. But I can't be depressed forever, so I'm going to put on the mask. I don't expect anyone to respond to this, and you don't have to. I understand. (<insert reverse psychology here)
~Pyre